TAOISM Shit happens.

     CONFUCIANISM Confucius say, "Shit happens."

     CALVINISM Shit happens because you don’t work hard enough.

     BUDDHISM If shit happens, it really isn’t shit.

     SEVENTH DAY ADVENTIST No shit on Saturdays.

     ZEN What is the sound of shit happening?

     HEDONISM There’s nothing like a good shit happening.

     HINDUISM This shit happened before.

     MORMON This shit is going to happen again.

     ISLAM If shit happens, it is the will of Allah.

     HARE KRISHNA Shit happens rama rama.

     MOONIES Only happy shit really happens.

     STOICISM This shit is good for me.

     FUNDAMENTALISM Shit happens, literally.

     JUDAISM Why does this shit always happen to US?

     PROTESTANT Let the shit happen to someone else.

     LUTHERAN Our shit is holier than thine.

     EPISCOPAL There was no shit in the King James Version.

     CATHOLIC Shit happens because you are BAD.

     PRESBYTERIAN There is no shit among the elect.

     BAPTIST Don’t drink this shit.

     JEHOVAH'S WITNESS Don’t salute this shit.

     QUAKER Don’t fight this shit.

     METHODIST Let’s sing this shit.

     ZOROASTRIANISM Shit happens half the time.

     CHRISTIAN SCIENCE Shit is in your head.

     ATHEISM No shit.

     EXISTENTIALISM What is this shit anyway?

     RASTAFARIANISM Let’s smoke this shit.